YOU CAN'T HIRE, FIRE, AND PROMOTE ACCORDINGLY WITH YOURSELF. Might as well learn to forgive yourself
Forgiveness is one of the most crucial components in our relationships with the people we love— especially with THE most important relationship in our lives: the one that we have with ourselves. We are taught to forgive people who have pained us, betrayed us, or who may not haven been sorry, all for the sake of self liberation, but what happens when the person who betrayed you was yourself?
The result of this constant self-betrayal and disregard for self is similar to a kind of suicide. Long before someone commits suicide, they’ve dismissed their own needs time and time again. The same is true when you’ve neglected your gut, instinct, and better judgement repeatedly. You fall into a pit of a powerless, out-of-reach nothingness and all you’re left with are thoughts of how you could have allowed for yourself to get where you are. You may feel guilt, shame, and disappointment of yourself, but its extremely important to find it within yourself to forgive yourself!
But how?… Simple.
Forgiveness is driven by compassion. This is the reason folk may say to “pray for those who have hurt you” or “kill them with kindness". It all stems from the notion that none of us truly have it all together, and some just need a little more work to do than others. The same is true for your relationship with yourself. You are WORTHY of all the second chances you so freely give to everyone else. Simply because, unlike your other relationships, you have no choice but to BE WITH YOURSELF!
Here are some ways to acknowledge self sabotage and initiate self forgiveness:
1. TALK GENTLY TO YOURSELF
If you speak to yourself with less tenderness than you would to a friend. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. However, instead of the typical “Damn Bria, that was dumb as hell”, train yourself to say things like “Bria,, we’re gonna try to do this better next time”. Speaking to yourself using pronouns like “we”, “our”, and “us” help you to keep the relationship with yourself alive as oppose to judging yourself from a “you” perspective.
2. NOTICE WHEN YOU ARE RECEIVING LESS THAN YOU DESERVE OR MORE THAN YOU WANT TO BARGAN FOR… AND DON’T!
Easier said than done, but we’ve all been there, We’ve given a little too much of ourselves to friendships, relationships, or jobs, and walked away with a little less that we knew we deserved. There is nothing wrong with compromise, but set hard “NO’s for yourself, and STICK TO YOUR GUNS! This helps set a guideline for yourself of what you want your life to look like and saying "hell to the no" to anything that doesn't meet the guideline.
3. REMEMBER THAT IF YOU DIDN’T QUITE DO WELL WITH NUMBER TWO (above), IT ISN’T TOO LATE TO START!
Often times we don’t think we can do or be better because we’ve already strayed so far from who we want to be. Thats the furthest thing from the truth. With each new day, there is a new opportunity to become whomever the hell you want to be. You are not attached to anyone else’s expectations of you, you are not required to do what you do not want to do, nor are you required to live up to expectations from people who have no idea how to live their own lives. *Kanye shrug*
4. LASTLY... TRUST YOURSELF
Building trust with yourself is actually the easiest to do. Why? because you know your own intentions. Thats hard to say about someone else whose mind you can’t read. What does trusting yourself look like? It looks like doing what you say you’re going to do, constantly being aware of the situations you put yourself in, and finding comfort in your abilities to achieve your goals.
*ERRRRTHANG is a process. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to ACHIEVE and save enough room to just BE.